The decision to leave the adoption process was so difficult as it meant us having to accept we were never going to have children. Bringing up a child would have had such an enormous impact on our lives. It would have affected everything from the daily routine of our lives to the networks of people we were connected too.
This meant we pretty much had a blank sheet of paper to work with in terms of our future plans.
We started to think about other things we might want to do. Travel? Build an extension to our house? Plan for early retirement? Get more involved with our local community? Volunteer?
We set about taking some practical steps.
Jack became a Parish Councillor and whilst he resigned after a year, he has remained as part of the neighbourhood plan working group.
Builders arrived for a very intense 6 month period when we built an extension and transformed our house. It involved stress and excitement in equal measures and managing the finances kept me very busy. We decided that although our family wouldn’t be expanding it was important for us to be able to entertain and have space for friends and family to stay over.
We took a trip to New York which was an amazing experience.
But somewhere along the way, perhaps because work and other matters took over, I seemed to forget about the ideas for a different future and got a bit lost. The year ended once more with that empty feeling that something was missing and my stomach was in constant knots. However, this time I had reached my limit with feeling that way and decided I really needed to do something about it.